I always knew I think. I was living life, or perhaps existing, but nothing made sense, I should say nothing outside of the focus of my beautiful children that kept me centered and sane. They have always been my anchor. Beyond them I couldn't see any clarity on what the purpose of being here was. Surely there had to be more. I had heard people talk about life with so much passion. Living .. what is living really? I know I focused on my family, on being the best person I could be and sharing whatever I could to whatever level I could manage on that particular day and would hope that it was enough. Being unwell ALL the time is difficult though. It blocks you from flourishing and truly shining, anyone who has suffered chronic illness in whatever form would know exactly what I am saying. Sometimes it doesn't matter how much you WANT it, it just doesn't come.
Then, suddenly it is like someone turns a light on one day. It's an idea from nowhere it seems leading us to somewhere or to doing something we didn't ever imagine. We take a different fork in the road, meet new people that bring about changes. It is at that point that the seeds have been planted, metaphorically speaking. For me this happened when I went to see about receiving spiritual healing. I was at a loss. Doctors had been unable to help for over a lifetime, in my head nothing felt right, the puzzle did not fit. By walking into that healing shop that day I changed everything I ever knew.
My life of trying to fit in and conform and be the person I was, all those ideals and blocks in my head. Everything just melted away leaving a clean slate to rewrite me on. The real me, the me that has a purpose, that knows what that purpose is and embraces every new day with passion because I know 100% what I need to do and how I need to do it.
The process of spiritual healing, reiki, was remarkable. Physically after every session I would be wiped flat ... I optimistically took that as a good sign that my body was ridding itself of years of stagnant and bad energy. Clearing energetic blocks that stopped my body from functioning to its optimal state no matter how well I looked after it. Mentally I was having dreams so vivid that they were more like visions helping me understand what it is exactly I had opened myself to by walking this path. Incredible, beyond words. I learnt to be kind to myself, in thoughts and actions and week after week, slowly the knock out effect after the reiki treatments was less significant and I could FEEL what living actually felt like.
What an amazing moment to realise you have managed to break the cycle. To realise that you are no longer that person constantly yearning to be more but you actually ARE more. YOU ARE SUDDENLY ENOUGH.
Now with healing and finding this new road to walk down I was full of inspiration. How wonderful! Ideas, creativity, opportunity and best of all the ability to ACTION it. I was open to new adventures, to create the life I had dreamed of. The life of passion and contentment and clarity of just knowing I am in exactly the right place at the right time doing the right thing! When you find yourself here you will know, just as I do now, that there can only be a happy ever after result. Finding peace and contentment within yourself leads you to the people that are meant to be in your life, it gives you the self-confidence to say no if it does not sit well with you and honestly, when you look back on the rocky road you have traveled and the lessons you have learnt to get to this point there is no lacking appreciation at all!